Data broker opt-out steps widows should take in 90 days

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Three weeks after her husband’s funeral, Carol’s phone rings. The caller knows her husband’s name, their address and their daughter’s name, even mentioning that she lives across town.

He says he’s calling from a life insurance company and that there’s a policy ready to be paid out. He just needs Carol’s Social Security number and bank routing details to process it.

This scenario draws from real scams reported by fraud investigators and elder abuse advocates across the country. The details change, but the playbook stays the same.

The reason these attacks work so well comes down to something most grieving families never think to check.

 

 

 

Why scammers target widows and how they find you so fast

Losing a spouse creates a perfect storm for scammers. Grief can leave you overwhelmed, and at the same time, you are handling financial decisions, paperwork and major life changes. That combination makes it easier for someone to catch you off guard.

Meanwhile, your personal information becomes easier to find. Obituaries often include names, relationships and locations. Death records get filed with the Social Security Administration and added to the Death Master File. Probate filings can reveal property transfers, beneficiaries and account details.

Data brokers collect all of this and turn it into detailed profiles that almost anyone can access. According to Incogni research analyzing five years of FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center data, about 52.5% of crimes reported by Americans over 60 in 2023 were either enabled or worsened by personal data available online. Widows, especially those managing estates alone, sit high on that target list.

 

Here’s what you should do in the first 90 days

Despite being in a high-risk group, taking these protective steps should keep scammers at bay. I know how overwhelming this time can be, so I recommend asking a trusted family member or friend for assistance setting things up. Though you should always refrain from sharing sensitive details like account numbers and your Social Security number.

 

Days 1-30: Limit what enters the system

The first month is when the most damaging data gets published. So your first job is damage control.

 

1) Be strategic about the obituary

Obituaries are the single most accessible data source scammers use after a death. A traditional obituary lists full names, survivor relationships, hometowns, and sometimes even ages. That’s a complete family map, and in the wrong hands, it can be a powerful weapon.

You don’t have to skip the obituary. But consider removing or abbreviating the exact home city (use the region instead), names of minor grandchildren, and the surviving spouse’s first and last name combined with their address. “Carol of Cleveland” is safer than “Carol Patterson of 114 Birchwood Lane, Cleveland.”

 

2) Search your name on people-finder sites

Before you can remove anything, you need to see what’s already there.

Go to Spokeo, Whitepages, BeenVerified, and Intelius. Search your name and your spouse’s name. What you find will likely include your address, phone number, email addresses, relatives’ names, and property records.

This snapshot is your starting point. Take screenshots. You’ll need them.

 

3) Set up a Google Alert for your name and address

It takes two minutes, and it’s free. Go to google.com/alerts and create alerts for:

• Your full name
• Your spouse’s full name
• Your street address.

If your information gets published anywhere new, you’ll get an email notification. This is your early warning system.

 

Days 31-60: Start removing and automating what you can’t do manually

By now, your information has had weeks to spread. Manual opt-outs are worth doing, but here’s the reality: there are hundreds of data broker sites. Each one has its own removal process. Many require you to submit ID, wait days for confirmation, and then re-submit when your data reappears, because it will.

 

1) Opt out of people-search sites

Prioritize manual opt-outs from the sites that appear in your Google search results. These carry the most weight because scammers often start with whatever Google surfaces first.

You can find these exposures quickly and easily with Incogni’s free scanner. This tool will scan the web for your personal information and email you a report with a list of results you can start with.

If you’d rather go about it on your own, some of the most common sites include:

• Spokeo: spokeo.com/opt_out/new
• Whitepages: whitepages.com/suppression_requests
• BeenVerified: beenverified.com/opt-out
• Intelius: intelius.com/opt-out.

Each one will ask you to verify your email. Follow through on every confirmation; unconfirmed requests don’t get processed.

This is where I recommend Incogni.

Incogni automatically sends removal requests to 420+ data brokers and people-search sites on your behalf. And it keeps sending them. Because data brokers constantly re-list your information, especially after a death, when public records create a fresh wave of updates.

You shouldn’t have to fight this battle every few months while you’re also settling an estate, managing finances alone for the first time, and grieving. Incogni handles the ongoing removal so you don’t have to.

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I recommend the family plan especially for widows with adult children, because their profiles are linked to yours. When a scammer finds you, your kids are often next. The family plan covers up to 5 people and works out to just $2.64 per person per month.

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You can also run a free exposure scan to see where your personal information is appearing online. Results typically arrive by email within an hour.

 

2) Update security questions on all financial accounts

This step is urgent, and most people skip it entirely.

Data broker profiles almost always contain the exact answers to your bank’s security questions. Mother’s maiden name. Previous address. City where you were born. Scammers use these to impersonate you and access your accounts.

Call your bank, brokerage and insurance companies. Ask to update your knowledge-based authentication questions. Use answers that are completely made up, something only you know and store them in a password manager. Don’t use any answer that appears anywhere in a data broker profile.

 

Days 61-90: Lock down the perimeter

By now, the most urgent exposure has been addressed. These final steps close the remaining gaps and protect you in the long term.

 

1) Place a credit freeze on your account and your spouse’s

A credit freeze prevents new credit accounts from being opened in your name. It’s free at all three major bureaus: Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion.

Critically: freeze your spouse’s credit too. After a death, identity thieves frequently open new accounts in the deceased person’s name before the credit bureaus are updated. This is called ghosting, and it can haunt an estate for years.

To freeze a deceased spouse’s credit, contact each bureau individually and provide the death certificate. It’s a few phone calls. It’s worth every minute.

 

2) Request removal from the Social Security Death Master File

Families can submit a request to limit access to a deceased person’s Social Security data in certain contexts. Visit ssa.gov for current guidance. This won’t scrub the record entirely, but limiting access to the Death Master File reduces the pool of parties who can use it to enrich your data broker profile.

 

3) Review all joint account access and update beneficiary information

This isn’t directly a data privacy step, but it protects you from a related threat. Scammers who know about an estate sometimes pose as financial advisors, attorneys, or government representatives to intercept beneficiary changes. Confirm all account changes directly through institutions you contact yourself, never through a number someone else gives you.

 

4) Set up simple safeguards to stop scams early

By this stage, your data is more controlled. Now the focus shifts to stopping scams before they escalate. Start by setting clear expectations with your family. Let them know you will never ask for money through an unexpected call, text or email. Creating a simple code word or check-in rule can stop panic-driven decisions, which is exactly what scammers rely on.

Next, slow down any urgent financial request. Scammers create pressure to force quick action. If someone claims there is a payout, problem or deadline, pause and verify it using a phone number or website you trust, not one they provide. It also helps to keep a short list of your financial institutions and their official contact details in one place. That way, you always know how to reach them directly without relying on incoming calls or messages.

Finally, be cautious in real-time conversations. Scammers often build trust by collecting small details over multiple interactions. Keeping answers brief and avoiding unnecessary personal details makes it that much harder.

 

Make it harder for scammers to reach you

Reducing your online exposure is one of the most effective ways to limit how scammers find and target you in the first place.

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Be sure to also:

• Set up family alerts. Tell your elderly relatives that you will never ask for money via text from an unknown number. Establish a code word. Scams work because they create panic. A simple family protocol breaks the spell.
• Change your security questions. If your bank still uses “mother’s maiden name” or “city you were born in” as verification, that information is likely already on a data broker site. Switch to nonsense answers that only you know and store them in a password manager.

 

 

Related Links: 

• Remove your data to protect your retirement from scammers
• Why widows and divorced women are targets for retirement scams
• Scams that aren’t illegal (but should be)

 

 

Kurt’s key takeaways

The first few months after losing a spouse bring enough decisions without adding fraud risks on top. Yet that is when your personal information spreads the fastest. Public records and data broker sites can quietly build a profile that scammers use against you. Early action makes a real difference. Limiting what gets published, removing existing data and securing your accounts all reduce your exposure. Even small steps, like updating security questions or freezing credit, can stop a scam before it starts. You do not need to handle everything at once. Start with a simple search of your name and review what appears. From there, take control at your own pace and protect what matters most.

If someone can piece together your personal life within days of a loss, how much of your information are you comfortable leaving online? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

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